Price of War
by CrazyTenor42
Summary: The galaxy had not been kind to Obi-Wan. Anakin Skywalker embraced the war. Obi-Wan Kenobi was destroyed by it. He was raised to be a diplomat, a bringer of peace, not a solider. It is the first time he has seen Satine in 13 years. But this Obi-Wan is a far cry from the young man she had know and loved. Obi-Wan's confidence is severely shaken and he turns to Bail. Obi-Wan/Bail


This was not the man Satine Kryze had fallen in love with. He had been so young, so handsome. He had been her protector. She asked him to say together, once their year was up. He had refused but his eyes told a different story. She could see he wanted to stay with her, to go against his Order and their teachings. It was understandable, noble even, even though she wished he could have stayed with her.

Even now, thirteen years later, she would still think about him. She hadn't met anyone like him, despite having seen dozens of suitors come to seek her hand. It was a shame she rarely got to see him out of his tunics. He was not much older than she was, barely in his twenties and his body glowed with youth. Immaculate skin, cool blue-green eyes and a clipped Courscanti accent. He moved with such agility, such a breathtaking display of speed and flexibility. His body was solidly toned and muscular, not too tall, although she imagined he would grow a few more inches. There was a composure about him that she envied. Jedi always wore masks that kept their emotions and thoughts as bay, so keeping so the few times she got a glimpse to the real Obi-Wan Kenobi it seemed that much more intimate.

She had thought that, now the ban on attachments was lifted, they would finally have a chance. But seeing him, for the first time in so many years, she decided she didn't want to extend him that offer again. The galaxy had not been kind to Obi-Wan.

* * *

"Have I changed so much?" Obi-Wan asked sadly. Satine had not said anything, not directly. She kept the perfect image of a true diplomat. It didn't matter. Obi-Wan still knew. The war changed people, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.

For Anakin, the war brought out who he really was. He was a figher. Meditation, diplomacy, boring Council meetings, that was not for him. Anakin was raised and trained with the threat of war hanging over the Republic. He was a Jedi fighter. He was a starship pilot. A war strategist. He lived for the rush of battle. He had a loving wife waiting for him when he returned from his many missions. He was a brave, young and attractive hero. The one scar, running down his eye did nothing to mar his appeal, but just served to remind the galaxy of his dedication. Obi-Wan would have given anything to be able to adjust to the war as well.

"We've all changed. It is the cost of living during a war."

"Bail."

Bail sighed. If he was to be completely honest, yes, Obi-Wan had changed. Obi-Wan Kenobi was destroyed by the war. He grew up before the war. He was raised to be a diplomat, a bringer of peace, not a solider.

"My answer isn't going to change. Everyone changes during a war."

That wasn't the answer Obi-Wan was looking for and Bail knew it. That wasn't what change Obi-Wan was talking about. Obi-Wan was looking for Bail to confirm his fears. He wanted Bail to agree with Satine. Bail hated to admit it, but he could point out everything that Satine had seen. The thirty-eight year old man who looked at least ten years older. The hair flecked with gray, the stress of the war clearly written across his face. The swagger of a confident twenty-five year old replaced with a confident walk that, ever since his duel with Dooku, favored his right leg. The solid muscles of his youth replaced with a soft layer of fat, a testament to his love of cooking and eating. There was not an area on his body that did not have a scar; legs, arms, back, chest and face all bearing testament to his many battles and tortures.

And that was on what Obi-Wan was mentally suffering from. Satine couldn't have know it, very few people did, but Obi-Wan was always suffering. Anxiety and nightmares plagued him constantly. Guilt and insecurities always threatened to overwhelm him. So yes, Bail did know what Satine saw. And how wrong she was on all accounts that Obi-Wan Kenobi was anything less than a perfect man with imperfections.  
" I do wish I hadn't disappointed her."

"It was her loss."

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Satine is better off. She rightfully expected more of me."

Bail pulled Obi-Wan closer to him. "She is a foolish woman. You do above and beyond what anyone expects you to do."

"As a Jedi, perhaps. Not in a relationship."

"Obi-Wan, that is nothing but nonsense." He hesitated for a few seconds, "Would you have gotten back with her, if she offered?"

Obi-Wan looked startled. "Of course not, Bail. But I think she is right, I am not suited to being in a relationship."

"No. We've been through this before, Obi-Wan."

"Bail, we can't have the relationship you want. I am not that type of person. Just because the attachment ban is lifted doesn't mean Jedi should be in relationships."

"Anakin and Padme are happy."

"Anakin has always been the exception to every rule."

"So why don't you make an exception to the rule?"

"Because you deserve better." Obi-Wan said quietly. He pulled himself out of Bail's grip. "I'm too old."

"You're younger than me!"

"I look like I'm fifty, Bail. I've put on weight, I have gray hair, I'm covered in scars, and I'm starting to limp."

"Everyone gets older, Obi-Wan. That's just what happens. Being a Jedi doesn't save you from that."

"But I'm going to get worse, not better. The nightmares are getting worse. I'm only going to get more scars, gain more weight, get more grey hairs…No one wants to put up with that, Bail! You didn't see Satine's face. As soon as she saw me she knew better than ask to spend the rest of her life trying to care for an aggravating old man."

"If I hear her name one more time," Bail growled, "I will personally fly to Mandalore and make sure she regrets everything she said to you."

"I think we should separate."

"No." Bail tried to tug Obi-Wan back down on the couch, but Obi-Wan refused to be moved. Bail instead got up and took Obi-Wan's hand. "Is that what you really want?"

"I think that is what would be best."

"I love you, you know."

Obi-Wan had tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. "I know."

"Then you know that I don't leave the people I love. I'm not leaving, Obi-Wan. I'm not letting your insecurity win. I can't think of a single reason to walk away from you."

"I'm not worth it, Bail."

"Yes, you are. And I don't care if it takes me twenty years, I will make you realize just how much you are worth." He wrapped his arm around Obi-Wan's waist and pulled him against his chest. "Just let me help you if you need it."

Obi-Wan was clutching Bail's shirt. He wanted to believe Bail, more than anything, he wanted to trust that Bail really would be with him forever. History was not in his favor. Siri turned him down. Satine had turned him down. He was clearly not someone to spend forever with.

"I'm still old. And unattractive. And overweight."

Bail kissed the top of his head. "Absolute nonsense."

"Perhaps." Obi-Wan looked up at Bail, "I suppose I have no reason to complain. I could always dye my hair and there are surgeries that would fix the scars and help me lose weight. Expensive, but I have been saving for – "

" – don't you dare!" Bail pulled Obi-Wan roughly by the shoulders and pushed him into the couch, kneeling down in front of him. "Don't ever think that. You don't need any surgeries or dye or any of that nonsense!"

"Whoever gave you the impression that was necessary should be shot." Bail said furiously. "You are perfect as you are. You are not old or overweight and you are the most attractive man I know!"

Obi-Wan started silently crying again and put his head in his hands. What was he supposed to do? He had no experience in relationships. Did Bail want him too look more attractive? Wasn't that what he was supposed to do? Make Bail happy?

"I don't know how…I don't know what to do, Bail."

"Do what, Obi-Wan? You don't have to do anything. There isn't a checklist."

Bail sat back down on the couch and Obi-Wan made to move over towards him and then hesitated. Bail held out his hand.

"Come here." Obi-Wan accepted and moved back to rest against Bail.

"I don't want you to be unhappy."

"If you're making yourself miserable just to try and please me, do you think I would be happy?"

That was the wrong thing to say. Obi-Wan lowered his gaze and tried to once again pull away from Bail. This time, Bail was prepared and held Obi-Wan's forearms down lightly.

"What do you want me to do Bail?" He had so few people left that cared about him. He didn't want to lose the ones he had, especially not Bail. There was nothing he wouldn't do for Bail. He couldn't understand what Bail saw in him. Obi-Wan knew what he looked like. He couldn't imagine how Bail felt about sharing a bed with his horrible carcass.

"Nothing. You don't need to do anything."

"Then what do you want from me?" Bail had to want something in exchange for keeping a lonely, miserable Jedi company.

"Honestly?"

"Preferably."

"I want to lay next to you every night, trace every single scar, and hold you through your nightmares. I want to come home to you ranting about Anakin and eating a tray of brownies. When the Council takes you off active duty, I want to spend vacation time together on Alderaan. I want you to realize you are worth everything to me and you are loved."

Obi-Wan gripped Bail's hands tightly, unable to put into his words anything he was thinking. Bail understood. Of course he understood, Bail always understood. Bail had never once gotten annoyed with his constant doubt or questions or inability to express his affections.

"And I'm sure you want me to stop having these ridiculous anxiety attacks."

"No. I don't want you to hide anything from me, Obi-Wan. If you're worried or doubting yourself, let me help you."

Obi-Wan laughed hollowly. "I might be coming to you once a day. The Jedi Master who cries because he's old. That's something."

Bail looked seriously down at him and then kissed him. "Then come to me and I will show you how untrue it is. Whatever I can do to help. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. There is nothing I will make fun of your for or not help you through."

"Nothing will discourage you, will it?"

Bail smiled. "Not easily. Secretly, I'm staying with you just to find out your secret cookie recipe."

Obi-Wan chuckled. "I can make us a batch now if you would like."

Bail tightened his embrace around Obi-Wan. "Tempting, but then I would have to let you get up."

Obi-Wan squirmed out of Bail's grip. "I'll make it up to later, I promise."

"I certainly hope so."

* * *

A/N: So this is my first attempt at Bail/Obi-Wan. I'm sorry for making Satine seem like a bitch, but for the purpose of this story I needed her to be. I also apologize for the abrupt ending.


End file.
